Music by John Barry
Lyrics (120)
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I've never been this far before;
It's twice as bright, I can't think why,
But it feels as if there's two suns in the sky.
I've never felt this strange before;
The world seems like a birthday cake
And I think I'll take a slice before I wake.
There's so much more for me to find.
I'm glad I've left behind behind.
I used to think that's all there was
And now I'm so surprised because
I've never been this far before;
I've never known a better day
But if I come back,
At least I'd know the way.
Music John Barry
Lyrics: Don Black
From: "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland"
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A riddle or a pun
Can provide a feast of fun.
The worse they are, the best they are,
It's hard to find a rotten one
But once you find that jewel,
The feeling's beautifewel.
These are the kind that we all find
Quite irresistibewel!
"I've got one! Who walks like this?"
"I haven't the faintest idea. You tell me -- Who walks like that?"
"Aha! I do!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
That's awful! That's absurd!
It's as bad as anything I've ever heard!
It's madness, it's insane!
But not half as daft as this one
That I managed to obtain.
"Where was the Magna Carta signed?"
"I don't know. Where was the Magna Carta signed?"
"It was signed at the bottom!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
What drivel! What a blow!
You have bruised my brain by stooping quite so low.
What stupid revelry!
But it's not as bad as this one
That a cuckoo told to me.
"How do you find out the weight of a whale?"
"I don't know. How do you find out the weight of a whale?"
"Take him to the nearest whale-way station!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Pure piffle, what a shock!
Your distorted mind is full of poppycock!
It's nonsense, ev'ry word,
Yet it can't compare to this one
That I must have overheard.
"Which King of England wore the largest shoes?"
"Oh, I'd love to know. Which King of England did wear the largest shoes?"
"The one with the largest feet!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Oh, rubbish! You are sick!
You remind us of a looney lunatic!
You're merely a buffoon!
If you carry on like this
You'll be as mad as us quite soon!
"What did the father ghost say to his son?"
"I don't know. What did the father ghost say to his son?"
"Spook only when you are spooken to!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
If it's sunny or it's rainy,
If you're dumb or if you're brainy,
You can sing the zany
Pun song!
Music John Barry
Lyrics: Don Black
From: "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland"
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Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Agreed to have a battle!
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
Had spoiled his nice new rattle.
Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
As black as a tar-barrel!
Which frightened both the heroes so,
They quite forgot their quarrel.'
Music by John Barry
Lyrics by Lewis Carroll (Nursery Rhyme)
Sung by Fiona Fullerton
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I'm right all the time so just refrain
disobedience and its ingredients I will just not entertain
don't answer me back and we'll be fine
the last word is mine.
So go on and do as you're told Mary, at once
I can't be Mary
cause Mary is dumpy why Mary is fat
Mary has freckles and sings like a cat, I'm not Mary.
Don't be stupid, of course you are
if I say you're Mary, then you're Mary
you don't make me budge, my word is law
Time's diminishing it we must be finishing
you are a pest and a bore
be off with you child, go sulk and whine
the last word is mine.
So go on and fetch my gloves and fan Mabel, at once
I can't be Mabel
cause Mabel is skinny she looks like a bean
Mabel is stingy she's ever so mean
I'm not Mabel.
If I say you are Mabel, then you are Mabel
you won't ever learn that I am right
you're unteachable, your brain's unreachable
in fact you're not very bright
Music by John Barry
Lyrics by Don Black
Sung by Michael Crawford and Fiona Fullerton
(needs correction but is a start)
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The shedding of tears should wet your cheek,
Not soak you through and through, -
And cakes are things you put away
When you've had one or two. -
Too much of anything can only do you harm -
So may I give you this advice straight from the palm.
You gotta know when to stop, you know,
Put on the brakes and take it slow.
It's worth us repeating again, -
You gotta know when.
A merry-go-round is fun to ride
But not for very long.
You have to curb your appetite -
At times you must be strong.
A little less is better than a little more -
A camel's back went crack one day all for a straw.
You gotta know when to stop, you know,
Put on the brakes and take it slow.
It's worth us repeating again, -
You gotta know when.
We all like to laugh and joke about
And play those silly games
Where ev'ryone pokes out their tongues
And calls each other names.
But keep on making faces and you'd best beware
For in the morning you might find that they're still there.
You gotta know when to stop, you know,
Put on the brakes and take it slow.
It's worth us repeating again, -
You gotta know when.
Music John Barry
Lyrics: Don Black
From: "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland"
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Curiouser and curiouser I find I grow curiouser
But each time I ask a question why there's no reply
Some days are gloriouser and gloriouser
They can't be more gloriouser
But soon as those days begin to die I'm back to why
Curiouser and curiouser what does it mean?
Where am I going? Where have I been?
Curiouser and curiouser the world makes me curiouser
I've so many dreams that come and go
Why is it so? Does no one know?
Curiouser and curiouser what does it mean?
Where am I going? Where have I been?
Curiouser and curiouser the world makes me curiouser
I've so many dreams that come and go
Why is it so? Does no one know?
Music John Barry
Lyrics: Don Black
From: "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland"
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Lo, Lola, Lolita,
Where are you, Lolita
You are too young
Unseasoned, unsteady
Too fragile, not ready
To roam.
Please come home,
My Lolita
You'll have time tomorrow
To learn of the sorrow
Of Love.
Lola, Lolita
My little Lolita
Here in my arms
I'll shelter and feed you
Lolita, I need you
Come Home
Please come home,
My Lolita
You'll have time tomorrow
To learn of the sorrow
Of Love
Lola, Lolita
My little Lolita
Here in my arms
I'll shelter and feed you
Lolita, I need you
Come Home.
Music by John Barry
Lyrics by Alan Jay lerner
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Quilty
This lovely day is ending,
And we are too.
I would not try pretending.
No, not to you.
The love that came with us today
Goes home D.O.A.
A maiden fey and dreamlike
Has killed you dead.
She somehow makes you seem like
A shrunken head.
And now no words have I to say
But “Please,
Go away.”
March out of my life!
You’re in the way.
So be a dear, and disappear
Without delay.
March out of my life!
You block the view.
So go, my pet, and never let
Me hear from you.
Write!
I’ll never write!
Left!
I want to be left!
Right!
Out of my life!
This can’t
Go on.
Be wise!
Begone!
March out of my life!
There’s someone new.
Who’s going to be
Needing the space—
Someone for me,
Taking the place
Of you!
I know how helpless with things you are,
So don’t think about the car,
And just leave the old Ferrari here.
Don’t let those jewels make you feel disgraced.
I’ll send back the same, encased.
I’d rather, than have you waste a tear.
March out of my life,
Your head up high!
In pain inside, but too much pride
To amplify.
March out of my life!
Oh simply do.
A lot of girls would take the pearls,
But never you.
And no
Threatening knife.
No
Horrible row.
Though
I am your life,
Too proud
To pack,
You won’t
Come back.
March out of my life!
Oh lady, do.
Show me a scene
Never surpassed!
Show me a queen!
Show me the last
Of you!
Music John Barry
Lyrics: Alan Jay Lerner
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I'll buy you anything,
Sandals and jeans
Perfume, potato chips
And Movie magazines
I'll buy you roller skates
Suncream from France
Pop corn and crackerjacks
And cotton velvet pants
Tell Me, Tell Me,
Everything you crave
Let me, let me
Play the game of slave.
I'll buy a tape machine
Made for the car
Love beads and comic books
And every candy bar.
Let me, let me
Make you happy now
Tell me, tell me, tell me how.
Let me,let me
Make you happy now
Tell me, tell me, how.
Music by John Barry
Lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner
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Ensemble
At the busy Bed-d-by Motel,
There’s no better place to buy and sell,
And no better place for any fel-
low to go to go hell.
At convention time with all the boys,
There’s nothing that a man enjoys
More than making money, love and noise
Than the Bed-d-by Motel.
You can have your Puerto Rican cruise;
The Catskills without the Jew;
Del Ray or Fort Lauderdale…
They’re gonna seem pale…
Once you jump around the Bed-d-by,
Once your feet have found the Bed-d-by,
You’ll be happy just to live and die
At the Bed-d-by Motel.
Bliss
And a very good “good evening” to
Mr. Quilty, in the hope that you
Are enjoying what you came to do
At the Bed-d-by Motel.
[Quilty introduces “Miss Darkbloom, my accountant.]
Bliss
Yes, we know the lady very well
At the Bed-d-by Motel.
Quilty
What a continental atmosphere.
The charm of some long lost year.
A garden from who knows where,
Like Madison Square.
Ensemble
You can have your San Diego Zoo,
Disneyland, or Honolulu-lu.
They will fade away the moment you
Hit the Bed-dy-by Motel.
Bliss
On behalf of all the personnel,
Welcome to the Bed-dy-by Motel.
May the Lord forever smile on you.
Any credit card’ll do
Man
Have you got a double room that’s free?
Something cozy for my… wife… and me?
Bliss
Take this couple up to 302.
And may God be good to you.
[Humbert gets a room for himself and Lolita.]
Bliss
Take this couple up to 342,
And may God be good to both of you.
Ensemble
Once you jump around the Bed-d-by,
Once your feet have found the Bed-d-by,
You’ll be happy just to live and die…
At the Bed-d-by…
Bed-d-by…
Bed-d-by…
By…
Music John Barry
Lyrics: Alan Jay Lerner
More...
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HUMBERT
To a nymphic-driven man like Poe or Dante Alighieri,
Ordinary love is, all in all, too ordinary.
How can you compare a woman's Chase-Manhattan charm
With dusty little toes, a sticky hand, a scrawny arm?
QUILTY
Dusty little toes?!
HUMBERT
A dimpled flank, a bony shoulder
Sink into the flab and disappear when she is older.
...QUILTY (to Charlotte)
Who is that viper
Who likes them post-diaper?
Music John Barry
Original Lyrics: Alan J. Lerner
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I'm on vacation
From teacher-child communication.
Education
Can really be a mental strain.
"Vous etes," "nous sommes"
Today are nothing short of gruesome.
We can do some
When I have rested up my brain.
This is Saturday,
My one day for lying out and frying
And not even think about how to pay
For all I've been buying.
Saturday.
I got stuff to do,
Like something or other for my mother;
I did something once that she asked me to,
I can't do another.
Saturday.
I feel scratchy, twitchy,
Places out of reach are itchy,
I get numb-like,
Thumb-like,
Saturday.
Why can't Saturday
Come right after Sunday 'stead of Monday?
The weeks would be better, in fact, if they
Were cut down to one day:
Saturday.
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Going, going gone
Love is going, going gone
There's a limited supply
Better bid, better buy
While the sale is going on.
Going, going gone
Love is going, going gone
Price's every day increase
Better grab every piece
You can lay your hands upon.
Going, going fast
Life is going, going fast
Theres no time to wheel and deal
Touch and taste, see and feel
What you miss could be your last.
Going going gone
Love is going going gone
Going once, going once
love is going going twice
Going twice going twice
This is it for paradise
Going once going twice
Love is going going gone.
Going going gone
Love is going going gone
Going once, going once
love is going going twice
Going twice going twice
This is it for paradise
Going once going twice
Love is going going gone.
Music by John barry
Lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner
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Vous connaitrez avec obéissance
De mon loyal devoir, n'omettant la science
A quoi j'étudierai pour toujours vous complaire
Sans aimer rien que vous, sous la sujétion
De qui je veux sans nulle fiction
Vivre et mourir.
Music: John Barry,
from a sonnet by Mary, Queen of Scots
Performed by Vanessa Redgrave
This is only part of a sonnet. More can be found in "Bittersweet withing my heart - The love poems of Mary, Queen of Scots", translated and edited by Robin Bell, 1992, Chronicle Books.
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